Currently… Playing:
Bayonetta
Listening to:
Paloma Faith - Do You Want The Truth Or Something Beautiful?
Watching:
Dexter - Season 1
Reading:
The Harry Potter saga by J.K. Rowling Hey look, a Paypal button.
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Oh wow, would you look at that. We’re the 13th best source for LOLcats on the internet!
Not bad considering all I do is copy and paste my weekly favourite from icanhazcheesburger.
see more Engrish
Went over to Southampton to see the guys yesterday, it was lovely. Jasmine is crawling now – slowly – but she’s getting there. Her teeth are starting to come through and she looks so much like my Mum. I’m glad she was in a better mood than last time I went over, she was all smiles and laughs – last time she was very irritable because her teeth were bothering her – she’s obviously getting used to it now. David and I had lovely chats, I found out some more details about their wedding and we talked about how awesome the stag night was going to be (he’s adamant that we end up at a strip-club you know), and it was just generally a nice day. I was praying I didn’t come home to any bombshells like last time, and thankfully everything was fine when I did get back.
 In fact, it was almost the total opposite of what happened last time I came back from Southampton, as Jane’s Mum, Jane’s Dad, Jane and I went out for a meal. The Rusty Cutter, a Beefeater. The wait for a table was long (I wasn’t particularly bothered about this, I was just enjoying spending some time with Jane away from the boys), but food was absolutely delightful. Jane and I shared a starter platter, it had a bit of everything on it, from little racks of ribs to garlic bread, then for my main course I decided to forgo the usual Mixed Grill and go for something a bit different. I usually shy away from chicken in restaurants as it’s such a common meat, I have chicken all the time, so I almost always go for a nice, fat, rare steak when we go out. This time was different, as we’d been there before and the steaks were not really so good. I chose the Giant Chicken Skewer, and it was an inspired decision.
Three chunks of chicken breast, one chunk of thigh, all skewered on a wooden stake, all juicy and (surprisingly for chicken) flavoursome. The chips were chips – you can’t really go wrong with them to be honest – and Beefeater Grill coleslaw was very nice, it was some of the best coleslaw I’ve ever tasted. I went with the side salad and Jalapeño sauce options, but for some reason I also ended up with a “Spiral Onion Loaf” on my plate, which resembled, and tasted like, an onion bhaji. Delicious, it was. All of it.
Now, what’s the title of this post got to do with this post? Read on and you will discover.
Continue reading Power Rangers = Bad. Saw = Good.
How long is an episode of Lost?
About 45 minutes.
How long does it take me, roughly, to download the latest episode?
About an hour.
How much time do I spend clicking links here and there reading about the latest rumours, the latest theories, the answers to the questions, the in-depth commentaries by people who read far too much into it?
Much, much more than 1 hour and 45 minutes.
I’m really enjoying season 6 so far, even though it’s gone far beyond plausible and is now firmly in the realms of make-believe. Hey, it was always a little bit silly, but now it’s full blown madness – and I like it more this way.
In light of my comments on the old reviews I republished as part of my 5 year anniversary thing, I thought I’d expand upon the reasons why I don’t write reviews anymore.
First, I don’t think I’m very good at writing them, so I don’t! Secondly, I don’t feel that the writing style of a traditional review really suits me. Personally I prefer to write what I did like about a game, what I didn’t like about a game, and then expand on that. Sadly, I don’t see this in most reviews I read on the internet, and in some magazines these days. In most reviews I get the feeling that the person writing it is acting as if he or she is the centre of all knowledge on the subject, there can be too much authority in the tone of their writing at times, and that their opinion is to be taken as fact, not opinion. This is also a reason why I tend to keep away from “discussion” topics on some of the larger forums I frequent, as these “factual opinions” often clash, and it’s not pretty.
I don’t feel as if my opinions matter more than anyone else’s, and I certainly don’t feel that my opinion would be authoritative enough to write a review for a website or magazine that currently adopt this reviewing style. I would rather concentrate on my thoughts, feelings and experiences while I am playing the game, my journey through it – I do this on the forum, and encourage others to post this way rather than offer up useless insights like “This game is shit” or “This is the best game ever”. Every now and again I encounter a game that moves me, be it in a good or bad way, and I feel compelled to write in a more formal fashion, going into more detail, which usually ends up on here.
Whatever you’d call this formal write-up, I don’t know for sure. Perhaps it would be classed as a “review”, but I do hope that you wouldn’t immediately associate it with the current trend of “my opinion is fact” , written by self-important “authorities”; it’s just my thoughts on a game that made me want to write about my experiences with it. I do realise that any reviews out there are generally nothing more than the authors thoughts on something, and I’m not saying they’re all bad, but as I mentioned earlier, it’s the attitude behind the words that makes them worthless in my eyes.
Or, “Stuff what I read last month”. Once a month is enough for this, I reckon. Writing up my thoughts on a scheduled day once a week would be too risky (I may not have finished a book that week!), and writing up my meagre thoughts as soon as I’ve finished something would mean lots of little posts dotted around. We’ll see how it goes. Anyway, on to my thoughts of the books I have read this month.
The Minotaur Takes A Cigarette Break
by Steven Sherrill
After gushing on about how much I loved the juxtaposition of the normal and the fantastic in Jasmyn, James and Dave from the forum recommended I give this a read. I was not disappointed – the juxtaposition was delightful. At first I wondered how a Minotaur could end up as such a shadow of it’s former self, but further reading explained how his long life had ground him down. I felt so sorry for “M”, as he was called. His mind was sharp but his unwieldy bull vocal chords and awkward bull lips often betrayed his thoughts, and this only made him more misunderstood. In the end it was lovely to see his neighbours come together and protect him from persecution via misunderstanding – a perfect, unspectacular ending to a fantastic book about a Minotaur’s normal life.
Blacklands
by Belinda Bauer
Now, I’ve never seen the TV Book Club on Channel 4 (or More4, or whatever channel it’s on), but according to the little sticker on the front of this book, they quite liked it – and I can see why. All the characters were very well imagined, they felt very real, if a little extreme. The basic premise is quite original: A boy writes to a paedophile in jail for information on where his uncle’s body is. The boy suspects the man killed his mother’s brother over a decade ago when his uncle was a child, before the boy was even born. This leads to all kinds of emotions being explored, such as how the boy relates to his dead uncle having never known him, and how he wants to find the body so his Grandmother can finally stop holding out for his return. Despite there being long periods of time between correspondence, the pace zips along and I found it hard to put down – it had that “just one more chapter” quality.
The Lovely Bones
by Alice Sebold
Incredible read, this one. Very eye-opening and thought provoking. It’s quite similar in some respects to Blacklands, in that it’s all about a family in which one of their own dies and goes on to show they deal with the death. But, in actuality, it’s much more imaginative thanks to the narrator being the girl who died. It was lovely how she watched her family and friends grow up from her very colourful and vibrantly described personal Heaven, lamenting that growing up was something she would never be able to do. It was heart rending in places as relationships soured, loved ones made horrific mistakes, and her killer evaded capture by being horribly polite. I had actually read this one before, a good few years ago when it first came out (probably before I read all the Harry Potter books, thinking about it), but with the recent cinematic adaptation I thought I’d give it another go – it was still as joyous and evocative as the first reading.
I also read The Hobbit, but my thoughts on that are back in the Random Fury Book Week.
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This Devil May Cry 3 review was written for Poopgang back in 2005 (or thereabouts). Unfortunately I’ve lost the original images I made for it (I liked to use thin vertical slices of image back then, to break the chunks of text up), but I’ll pop a few relevant ones in, just so it’s not a fucking massive block of text.
Enjoy.
Devil May Cry 3
Format – Playstation 2
Developer – Capcom
Publisher – Capcom
Release – March 2005
 This Dante figure is amazing. I will own it one day I’ll start with your avatar in the world of Devil May Cry 3, the main protagonist, Dante. Half demon and half human, our white haired hero is the spawn of a human woman and a Devil, The Legendary Dark Knight Sparda. Raised by his mother, Dante is a hyperactive and good natured wannabe rock-star, and sees his gift of super human strength, agility and resilience as a responsibility to keep the World free of demons. Cool, cocky, and confident, he has a carefree attitude that lightens up every bad situation with a cheesy one liner, or witty remark. From the opening scene where Dante kicks a fallen chair into its correct standing position, lunges onto the chair, thumps his feet onto the adjacent desk which launches the ringing phone into his hand – all in one glorious sweeping movement – you just know that this guy has style. When surrounded by demons he instinctively reaches for a slice of pizza, not his handgun. His twin brother, Vergil, couldn’t be more different. Whereas Dante uses a heady mix of swords and firearms, Vergil disapproves of such methods, instead choosing to exclusively wield a katana given to him by his father.
 Dante's trademark red jacket swings around, exaggerating his movements But what of the interactive meat that hangs on the passive plots bones? The crux of the game, the combat, is exciting and surprisingly deep. Over the course of the game Dante will obtain ten diversely different weapons; five melee – which range from Dante’s standard sword, Rebellion, to a succubus possessed scythe-guitar; and five projectile – including the default dual handguns Ebony and Ivory, the series stalwart shotgun and an armour piercing sniper/railgun. Each weapon has a range of moves and techniques that are not only mostly unique to them, but also incredibly useful for different scenarios. Some excel at controlling crowds of demons, some are most useful against single foes, and you never find yourself neglecting a move because there are others more valuable, as each technique has its place in your arsenal. Moves are easy to perform, too, as any move can be performed at a whim with minimal practise. No move is unachievable in the heat of battle where split second timing is essential for survival. Four weapons can be equipped simultaneously, two of each discipline, and this really opens up the potential for some truly outlandish combo attacks.
 The Stinger is an invaluable attack The circle button is key here, as any style specific moves are assigned to it. For those of you who like to get close up and in the face of your enemies, there is the Swordmaster Style. Extending the uses of your melee weapons, or Devil Arms, this is definitely the way to go when facing a new level for the first time, or impressing friends. Prefer ranged combat? Then Gunslinger is for you. Enabling you to do lots of damage at a distance, this style is essential for making full use of your guns. Trickster Style is a nod to Devil May Cry 2, and fans of that episode will relish the wall running, air dashing qualities it brings. Widely accepted as the expert playing style, Royal Guard requires a cool head at all times. With timing and tactical thinking, you can negate all damage from an enemy with a deftly timed, last second block. Using this style it’s possible to get through the entire game without taking one hit. Adding another layer to this is your nigh invulnerable Devil Trigger state, where, for a limited time, you move faster, hit harder and look cooler. With its regenerative abilities, sometimes it is wise to use it out of battle while you take a breather and let your health bar refill without interruption.
The DMC3 review was so long it needed to be split into two posts so Wordpress could handle it. Brilliant! I’m posting part 2 first so that if you read from top (latest) to bottom (oldest), this part is below part 1.
2,500 words is far too long for anyone to waffle on about anything…
 Charging up This level of creativity also carries over to the bosses. From the first you encounter, the Hell Vanguard with his ability to teleport around the map and carve you up with his glowing magical scythe, up until the last, not one of them is filler. Initially feeling like tests of patience and stamina, the battles can drag on with you doing miniscule damage to them, but only until you have discovered and exploited their weak spot, their Achilles heel. Often requiring you to put Dante in a highly exposed, dangerous position, but offering incredible damage returns, hacking away at their vulnerability is a first-rate example of the risk/reward mechanic. Each Boss character bestows a new weapon or ability upon you, for example defeating Cerberus, the three headed guardian that has control over ice, rewards you with a set of three pronged ice nunchucks. Upon perishing, the electrically charged opera singer Nevan rewards you with the aforementioned “electric” guitar/scythe. Defeating your shadow late in the game unlocks a novel, yet ultimately confusing two player mode.
 Love the charged Shotgun visuals Although the story of one man’s quest to prevent an apocalyptic outcome is slightly clichéd and has been seen hundreds of times before, it neatly punctuates the hardcore fighting action, and provides ample motivation for the characters in the next scene. Starting off in the grimy office of Dante’s demon killing agency, the game then progresses through darkened rubble strewn streets, a dusty, quaint bar and a nightclub decked out in flashy neon, all just the right size for the hordes of enemies that appear, intent on impeding your progress. Then it is onto where the majority of the game takes place; The Temen-Ni-Gru tower. Created as a door between Earth and Hell, it was sealed off and buried deep underground two thousand years ago by Sparda in an act of selflessness for mankind, an act of rebellion against the inhabitants of Hell. Now it has been erected again by one of Sparda’s offspring no less, and atop the tower stand Vergil and Arkham, trying to decipher the code that will unlock the door to Hell.
 I love this game so much Also making a welcome return is the Hellish music style. When exploring, the audio is quiet and brooding; deep organ melodies are being played in an undisclosed far away location, echoing through the corridors and bouncing off the walls. However as soon as your exits become blocked off by eerie red barriers and enemies shift into your dimension, the game steps up the pace and launches the series trademark of heavy industrial beats, screaming vocals and electric guitars turned up to eleven. Then, when the last blow is struck the barriers disappear, and the music is gone, making you wonder if it was created by the adrenaline rush of combat. The loosely termed “puzzles” are simply a matter of taking a mysterious artefact from one place to another in order to open the path to the next mysterious artefact, but anything more complicated would detract from the straightforward and honest nature of the game. While the obscene difficulty of the game has been criticised, it is merely a matter of learning the enemy’s personalities and fighting styles, and deciding which weapons to use accordingly.
Devil May Cry 3 is the epitome of the hack and slash genre. With style and substance it stands head and shoulders over the rest of the genre with the cocky attitude that no-one will ever better it. Accomplished, polished and complete, for fans of the genre it will provide the ultimate roller-coaster ride of thrills, spills, action, revenge, betrayal, deception and, the defining element of the series, family values. Devil May Cry 3 takes everything good from the original game, and its sequel, refines and repositions them, whilst adding new elements that fit in the series schematic like pieces of a puzzle. Capcom outshone themselves in creating or recreating everything at its most fundamental, basic level, then building on them with a diverse range of conflicting characters, deep and satisfying combat with imaginative weapons and over the top manoeuvres, inspirational and challenging set pieces and that familiar, overbearing Devil May Cry style and flavour. There is only one word to truly sum this game up. And that word is “Complete”. [10]
I remember how bad this game was. I remember how hurt I was. It still hurts.
 Format: Playstation 2
Developer: Capcom
Publisher: Capcom
Release: March 2003
 Lucia and Dante. Click to enlarge Someone once said “Dante could quite possibly be the coolest guy in videogames, ever”. But when it comes to Devil May Cry 2, that statement couldn’t be further from the truth. He still looks like a bad-ass demon slayer, but has been stripped of all the personality that made him so likeable in the first place. Gone are the witty one-liners. Gone are the scathing put-downs. Gone is the gung-ho, all guns blazing attitude. This Dante silently stalks through the game, offering little more than angry looks in cut-scenes.
Another reason for concern is Dante’s motivation for being involved in all this in the first place. Seemingly meeting Lucia by accident in a distant land, the plot is wafer thin and ill conceived. At no point in the game is there any satisfactory explanation or reasoning given as to why a giant gorilla has just dropped through the ceiling, or why a military helicopter is composed of flesh that bleeds when cut. I would go so far to say that none of the enemies in this game have any personality or unique factors that define them as being fun, or a challenge to kill.
 There are major issues concerning changes to the combat system too. Dante’s lock on seems to pick enemies to target at random, especially annoying when trying to take out the most dangerous individual in a large group of opponents, the aiming arbitrarily trains your sights not on the nearest bad-guy, or the strongest, but the one that is up on a high ledge 20 feet away. Also gone are the tremendous and surprising Boss battles of old. It can be so much easier just to stand back and let your handguns take care of things. These guys aren’t bosses, they are just bigger versions of regular enemies just with longer health bars.
 Lucia in action Larger environments sound good in theory, but awry enemy placement and the perspective shifted further away from the player conspire to make the camera perform even worse this time around, with instances of shooting at off screen airborne creatures common place. The additions to the Devil May Cry mix are logical improvements, but you are never really given a chance to use them to their potential. The wall run for instance, although it looks incredibly cool, will be disregarded in favour of the much simpler task of walking. The new system of equipping Amulets that bestow special abilities upon you when in Devil form is a neat touch, but ultimately you can skip through the game without ever having to change the default settings and swap any around.
This title does have its good points however. The familiar chaotic atmosphere and schizophrenic musical score are still perfectly suited to the Devil May Cry universe. During quiet explorative moments the moody orchestral sounds wrap around you, chilling you with their mystifying arias, then when it’s time for action the slow paced score gives way to the familiar electro gothic rock. The art direction is simply beautiful, Dante may have had his personality drained, but his fashion sense is as strong as ever. Kudos’ to Capcom’s design team, Dante and Lucia look stunning both in regular and Demon forms, with clothing company Diesel lending a hand for the secret costumes.
 Devil May Cry 2: Sponsored by Diesel. Click to see their full outfits Overall, for every improvement and enhancement that Devil May Cry 2 brings over its predecessor, it also brings faults and problems. The camera placement seems to have taken on an odd new role, with viewpoints skipping all over the place at the most inconvenient of times, even in the middle of crucial jumps. While anyone new to the series will find it hugely entertaining and very accessible, those of us who have played the original will see that although this is a great game in its own right, it is let down somewhat by the echo left by its forbearer. [6]
Today I’ll reproduce the Devil May Cry and Devil May Cry 2 reviews, then tomorrow, as some kind of finale, will be the Devil May Cry 3 review, where I gush for hours and hours.
 Format: Playstation 2
Developer: Capcom
Publisher: Capcom
Release: December 2001
 Juggling is great fun Dante could quite possibly be the coolest guy in videogames, ever. First of all, there’s his look. The shock of white hair, the bright red waistcoat hugging him tight under the flowing scarlet velvet overcoat, the black no-nonsense boots, all provide our hero with a stunning appearance. Then there’s his attitude. One-liners and a disregard for anything that looks vaguely non-human are common-place, with scathing put downs and taunts actually enraging enemies during play. “F*** off feather-face, or you can find out… the hard way!”
Adding to this are Dante’s weapons of choice. A pair of .45 cal pistols, with infinite ammo, of course, and he’s even named them Ebony and Ivory. Which is handy, as one’s black and one’s white. Later, you get the choice of wielding a Shotgun instead of your trusty side arms, and man, it is certainly one of the most satisfying things you will ever kill virtual demons with. The explosive crack it makes when you squeeze the trigger, the way the enemies fly backward in a cloud of gunpowder, hit the wall with a heavy thud and flop uselessly to the floor in a heap.
 Devil Trigger activated Combining the blade and bullet couldn’t be easier thanks to the way that Capcom have created a system where they both have their distinct uses. The array of swords and gauntlets are for causing serious damage close up, and launching your opponent’s prone bodies skyward where you are free to join them and bring them down to earth with a slice or three. The fire arms, which all come with infinite ammo as standard, are for attacking distant foes, and maintaining combos if you are not quite close enough to carve them up. The possibilities for interchanging each move at different points of a combo are immense, but you have the freedom to choose at all times. When you launch that bad guy into the sky, do you follow him up there and cut him several more times? Or do you choose to wait on the floor, filling his body with hot lead as the automatic targeting is tracking his carcass back to the solid ground?
 The gorgeous gothic architecture Then there are the Bosses. Not one to rely on tradition, Devil May Cry could spring one on you at any moment. On an early mission, just after having thought you vanquished Phantom, the oversized demonic lava scorpion from hell on the preceding level, he suddenly comes crashing through a 5 foot thick wall of mortar and marble. Beforehand, having to dodge his streams of magic in an open plan room was child’s play compared to being pursued down a narrow corridor by the aforementioned remarkably angry giant insect. Some bosses shifted the games dynamics from an arcade style hacker and slasher to, for example, a shooting gallery type affair, whilst other bosses relied on the risk/reward mechanic; Get close enough to inflict maximum damage potential, but run the risk of being sucked into the netherworld and have to scuffle with previously slaughtered bosses.
The atmosphere throughout is simply magnificent, the cold, lonely, gothic mansion where the game is situated is beautifully realised, both in terms of look and sound. Wind screeches through the large, empty courtyards, ruffling the torn banners and flags of yesterday’s battles. Solitary candles light up the stone walls, giving movement and bustle to the eerie, ink black shadows. Glowing ancient runes indicate the hellish nature of your quest. The dark and foreboding musical score reacting to calm and chaos. When rushing through a lonely corridor the music is orchestral and baroque, but in combat it transforms into fast paced heavy techno death-metal. Perfect for demon slaying.
 To conclude, if you like your games to offer you a serious challenge and the necessity to use technique over button bashing, then this is for you. The difficulty curve is perfectly judged, and fighting enemies is always a joy, never a chore. Devote some time to mastering the deceptively simple controls and really get in there and show off. Some slight camera niggles sometimes annoy, but its never enough to make you throw the pad down in disgust. Devil May Cry is a rare breed. A fluid, entertaining and energetic romp in a world of clunky, tedious bore fests. [9]
I’m very pleased I found all the original images for this one.
This review was written for Poopgang in 2005. The original screenshots were mostly lost, these new ones are from Neoseeker.
 Format: Playstation 2
Developer: CyberConnect2
Publisher: Atari
Release: 26th March 2004
.hack//infection, .hack//mutation, .hack//outbreak, .hack//quarantine. A series of four “online”, yet most definitely offline, role playing games where you play a character that plays an online game. Sound confusing? To start with, it is, but once you get your head around the concept and accept it, you find yourself drawn in. To start with I’ll explain the background of the story.
In the year 2007 a deadly virus named “Pluto’s Kiss” is released upon the planet. The Internet comes crashing to a halt and millions die as computer systems malfunction. Only one Operating System survives the virus, and is quickly taken on as the worldwide standard, that OS is Altmit. The best selling game from this company is “The World”, a Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game boasting over twenty million players.
You control Kite, a naïve young man invited by his friend Yasuhiko to play The World with him. Yasuhiko, a legendary, veteran player known online as Orca, leads his friend through a low level area as a way of familiarizing you with the controls, the various aspects of the real time combat system and world navigation.
Not long into the tutorial, the game bleeds into “reality”. A system error occurs, summoning an anomaly in the form of an incredibly powerful enemy, known as “Skieth”, in an incredibly low level area. The creature attacks Orca with a strange beam, wiping his character out immediately. Kite, not knowing what to do, logs out from The World, only to find out that his friend Yasuhiko has fallen into a deep, unexplainable coma. Was it a freak accident, a coincidence? Or did the monster they encountered in the game have something to do with his friend’s illness? This quandary begins your quest to unravel the mystery of “The World” and save your friend.
 Assorted cast members assemble At its core, .hack is an Action RPG which takes place within the previously mentioned simulated MMORPG environment. It’s simulated; that means that no online connection is required. Players will do as much communicating via message boards and e-mail as they will levelling their party and exploring new areas and dungeons. Non-player characters may react a bit differently than they might in an actual MMORPG, but the message board and e-mail interaction certainly lend some credibility in that respect.
 The character designs are delicious Opening exploration areas is done via a series of keywords. Three different keywords can combine to open new areas to plunder. These keywords can be obtained via reading message boards, checking e-mails, and talking to NPC’s in the various hub towns. While it is possible to randomly combine keywords, it’s generally not advisable as some areas may have monsters that are far too strong for players to handle without being sufficiently powered up. Each keyword helps to set the stage for the new area’s look, weather, dungeon difficulty, and defining element (i.e. fire, water, wood, etc.).
 Playing a game within a game, very novel Visually, .hack both hits and misses. The character designs are fantastic—they’re colourful and detailed. Dungeon locales pretty interesting, too, with certain motifs like cathedrals or even the inside of a creature. The towns look pretty nice, too, as they’re bustling with character activity and loaded with shops. The inherent problem with .hack is the generic feel of some of the randomly generated lands. There’s considerable blurring of objects and textures on the horizon, and there’s a fair amount of repetitiveness. Again, since they’re not scripted, it’s not necessarily an overly negative criticism, but it’s a criticism nonetheless.
 A look at the keyword customisation In the sound department, .hack boasts some better than average voice-over work that is full of character and combines it with some generally decent and memorable music. It’s certainly good to see that voice-over quality is improving, as with .hack, so that players can better identify with the characters involved in the game. For anime purists, Bandai has opted to keep the Japanese voice-over track intact, which is certainly a nice, authentic bonus. The music is consistently good, with a few choral-sounding arrangements mixed in with other, more diverse, types of music. The .hack soundtrack won’t necessarily fly off of shop shelves, like for example the Final Fantasy soundtracks, but it holds its own.
Although the main storyline of the first chapter of .hack ends pretty quickly (20-25 hours), it is possible for players to continue exploring and levelling up characters before playing the next chapter of the .hack series. Player data, including several items that are unusable in this game, can be stored on a memory card so that when you see fit to start the next chapter, the story can resume with the stored information.
 Battle Mode is on! On its own, .hack//infection may not score as highly as it could, but when teamed with the other three episodes of the series, it may be looked upon as a great starting point. .hack//mutation and .hack//outbreak seem like the fatty middle of the series, not delivering any conclusions or offering anything vastly advanced from the first volume, as well as the fact that taken individually you would feel like you’d walked into a cinema halfway through a film. .hack//quarantine also suffers from this, but would anyone really play the last of a four part series first?
Overall, taking the four games as one, I feel it has been slightly milked by Bandai, they could have easily fit the entire series on 2 discs as opposed to 4, and probably added a lot more to it. The total cost of the series is another hurdle to overcome, 4 PS2 games don’t come cheap! Scout around your local Pre-Owned bin, or check out the sales that many online retailers are currently running, you may pick up a bargain. But as it stands, .hack is an incredibly accomplished series, and is highly recommended to any RPG fan that yearns for something a bit different. [9]
Personally, I still think a proper online version of this game would be excellent.
Again, written for Poopgang. I found the “slices” (as I liked to call them) for this one. For some reason I didn’t mind the dithering caused by saving them as .gifs.
Format: Playstation 2
Developer: Square Enix
Publisher: Electronic Arts
Release: February 2004
Final Fantasy. One of the oldest videogame franchises that still has that special something. The series began in the early ‘90’s with four nameless adventurers who came from nowhere in particular to bring the clichéd light and harmony back to a nondescript land that had fallen into generic shadow. My, how times have changed. In this, the first true Final Fantasy sequel, the lead characters have names and distinct personalities, like a manufactured pop group, you could say. Rikku, the fun loving mischievous teeny-bopper, Paine, the mean, moody and mysterious butt-kicker, and Yuna, the neutral balance between the two and the group’s natural field leader.
The beautifully realized world they are fighting to save, Spira, is given a new lease of life in that it is set in the calm, two years after the storm. Although a lot of the locales and towns are identical to that of Final Fantasy X, there is a distinctly different, almost relaxed atmosphere in the air as you travel from place to place, searching for the memory of Tidus. I say relaxed, as for most of Final Fantasy X, the sinister Seymour posed a very real and unnerving threat.
The advantages of it being a true sequel over a brand new stand-alone become clear when you visit Wakka, whose wife is expecting soon and he’s unsure of how to be a good father since he never knew his own parents, and isn’t sure he wants to find out, because his ideal image of them might be shattered if he were to learn the truth. This is some undeniably deep stuff, enriched by the fact you knew this guy from the first game, and you never got to really see this side of him. If only all sequels dealt with maturity and responsibility like this rather than just thrusting more and more over the top enemies or spells upon you.
My favourite aspect of Final Fantasy X-2 is undoubtedly the new Garment-Grid and Dress-Sphere system. It’s the obvious and ultimate culmination of playing “Dress-Up” games when you were a kid. Seventeen different Dress-Spheres, each one original and valid, with the ability to switch between spheres mid-battle meaning you have more options than ever before at your disposal. Need to inflict more damage? Slap on the Warrior outfit and raise some merry hell. Team-mates need healing? Switch to White Mage and neutralize that poison. Want to keep your distance? Use the Gunner Outfit’s button bashing abilities to keep foes at bay.
The art direction also blossoms because of the Dress-Sphere system; each sphere gives the girl a general appearance, which is offset by their own personal style, making for some truly unique fashions. Highlights include the usually timid Yuna as a raging Berserker, the rugged Paine dressed up in the very revealing Lady Luck outfit, the bouncy and light-hearted Rikku looking irresistibly dominant in the Dark Knight uniform, and not forgetting the honourable leader looking simply divine as a Moogle! Overall, it’s a system that is just too fun to hate it for its simplicity.
Sadly, the only thing that lets this title down is the less than grand musical score and the stoic voice acting. Final Fantasy is renowned for its sweeping, all-consuming orchestral melodies, yet they just don’t seem as prominent in this title. A little under whelming, a tad disappointing, and definitely a schizophrenic affair, the music wants to be quirky and original, but emulating cheesy J-Pop with strings and keys just doesn’t work and detracts immensely from the atmosphere. I got the impression that if Square Enix actually put their balls on the line and went with “Girl Power” J-Pop, it would have worked. The voice acting also slaps you around the face and forcibly removes any believability from the characters voices. Unexcited by their situations and environments, the girls half-heartedly ream off the words written in front of them.
I’d recommend this fully if you played and enjoyed Final Fantasy X, seeing the characters you met from X in a totally new light was surprising and entertaining, and dealt with not only very maturely by Square Enix, but also at times with it’s tongue wedged firmly in its cheek. Don’t be put off by its “girly” image, the sheer amount of style, substance and depth will keep you up for as many hours as you need to finish it.
Just make sure you catch the steamy communal bath scene side quest. I kid you not. [7]
And I’ve not played a Final Fantasy since then. True story.
Posting the old reviews is going well, and I almost shed a tear when I read the lovely comment Stellar left on the PSU: Final Hurrah post. All this old stuff is making me quite nostalgic, I’m going back in time, further and further.
Facebook can be quite the spying tool if used correctly. I’ve been checking out old friends, seeing how they’ve grown up. Most of them have kids now. I’ve been checking out old flames and past infatuations, seeing how much they’ve changed, seeing how they’ve lost that sparkle in their eyes that fuelled my desire for them. And they’ve mostly got fat. Hey, I’ve put on weight since then too, so I don’t mean that as an insult. Honest.
Continue reading Spying on people via Facebook
Blah, blah, review, blah, blah, Poopgang, blah, blah, 2005. You know the drill.
 Format – PS2
Developer – Taito/Red Entertainment
Publisher – 505 Gamestreet
Release – February 2005
 Real-life vs digital representation. Click to enlarge At first you would be forgiven for thinking this was a straight forward button basher, as a simple 12 hit combo can be strung together with repeated presses of the standard attack button. In addition to this basic combo attack, you can perform a spinning attack with the triangle button that will prove immensely helpful if/when you are surrounded by enemies. Furthermore, a tap of triangle at any point during your basic combo will interrupt its normal flow and allow you to branch off with multiple options. Once you’ve done the combo interrupt, hitting triangle again will cause you to integrate the spinning slash move into the combo; hitting square will uppercut your enemy high into the air allowing you to continue to juggle him and score additional hits; and hitting the jump button will add a rapid flying kick to the end of the combination.
Though the less skilled bread and butter enemies you encounter on your travels will accept your punishment without too much of a grumble, the powerful ones (especially bosses) take exception to your attempts to carve them up with two big swords. When you or an enemy block an attack, the game switches into a back and forth parrying mode in which the timing of your button presses determines who gains the upper hand, represented by colored flashes that are incorporated well into the frantic, frenetic flow of the action. If your timing is accurate enough, you’ll be able to beat back your opponent and eventually unleash the combo of your choice. But be careful, it is based on timing, not button bashing, and Lau can only afford so many misses before he is vulnerable to a lengthy combo attack himself. The way the camera angle switches back and forth during these one-on-one fights is extremely fast paced and pretty dramatic to watch.
I mentioned Lau’s agility earlier, and compared to other staples of the genre, he measures up favourably. Where Shinobi’s Hotsuma can only grip a wall, Lau can grip and climb. Where Raikou of Otogi fame can dash through the air, Lau can do the same; only control his direction with more conviction. Where the Prince of Persia can run across a wall, Lau can disregard gravity and momentum and propel himself upwards, downwards, whichever way he pleases. While Dante (Devil May Cry) is confined to three or four swipes with his sword, Lau can utilize his weaponry for upwards of 15 hits in a single, continuous combination attack. Whereas Kunoichi, known as Nightshade in the UK, stalled and spat out magic to a full stop, Lau works it into his extravagant combination attacks. His Gungrave-esque stylish posing mid-battle and moody silence during cut-scenes further strengthen his unique character. Lau’s character model is finely detailed and richly ornamented; his colourful costume bears a variety of intricate streamers and decorations that flap around convincingly while fighting.
There’s an in-game combo counter that will keep track of the number of hits you’ve consecutively strung together; this reviewer reached a high 200, but has seen evidence of a count nearing four figures. Higher difficulty levels will decrease the games tolerance for sloppy timing; on the hardest difficulty, you may have a hell of a time keeping up in a duel with some of the more powerful, stubborn characters. As is de rigueur, you’ll also be ranked at the end of a level based on many factors including the style of your sword-play, level completion time, number of items picked up, and then assigned an overall score per stage. Like in many recent action games, the better you perform, the more you’ll be able to increase the essential aspects of your character, including the length of your health bar, magic bar, magic skill level and attack/defence strength.
 A SCREENSHOT OF ACTUAL GAMEPLAY This isn’t the longest of games. With only 8 levels, first consisting of 4 sub-sections, rising proportionally to 16 later on, it was easily be clocked in under 10 hours, and I did each mission twice to fully power up Lau’s abilities. Bujingai is very much focused on the core combat mechanics, or more specifically, the duels, and the players who latch onto and understand the process will be the ones who are really into honing their abilities and seeing their performance dramatically improve as they master a game. Ideal for anyone who is awaiting the next instalment of Devil May Cry, but for everyone else, it’ll be just another button basher. [7]
Those were all the original screenshots I used in the original review, too.
I think this was also for some kind of Gamesradar Games Guru competition.
The Street Fighter saga may have gone on and on, but in my mind, Street Fighter Alpha 2 was the zenith, the epitome, the finest one on one versus fighting game in history. Capcom stuck to its “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” strategy, and merely fine-tuned the existing Alpha engine to near perfection, as well as adding new characters and increased turbo options into the mix. Remember, the all-new Street Fighter 3 was already in development deep within the company’s creative annex at the time of SFA2’s release.
The most impressive aspect of SFA2 is the balancing of the different characters skills. Even when using the sloth-like but mighty Zangief, you feel you have a chance against the nimble Sakura (the comedy version of Ryu, if I’m being cruel). It must have been hard enough for Capcom to balance the original eight fighters in the ground-breaking Street Fighter 2, let alone balance the near twenty of this version.
As a Capcom fanboy, it was nice to see Rolento join the cast alongside fellow Final Fighters Guy and Sodom. While it was slightly disappointing not to see any truly new characters, the fact I knew the new cast members’ faces and I had an idea of what their general skill sets were made them fit in and not seem like random interlopers, a fate R-Mika could not avoid in the sequel, Street Fighter Alpha 3.
Capcom’s artists didn’t just draw new characters, they also fashioned a whole new set of backgrounds. In a rush to get the original Street Fighter Alpha to market, the backdrops were clearly hastily cobbled together, looked disgusting, and were instantly forgettable. Needless to say, SFA2 improved on them immeasurably, not only from an artistic viewpoint, but also from a technical angle. Some of the parallax effects were, for the time, mind-blowing. And they were anything but forgettable; Birdie’s manky public toilet anyone?
The attention to detail in the gameplay is as polished as ever; get together with another experienced player who can perform all the special and super moves, and knows exactly when to pull them out of the hat, and you can expect fast-paced, evenly matched and exciting games, often ending with fireworks… or exploding kaleidoscopic backgrounds at the very least. Sadly, the opposite is true when playing against the scourge of Versus Fighting Game aficionados, the ‘Button Basher’. As with any other game, the match quickly goes from a duel of wits, cunning and skill, to a frenzy of name-calling, silly-faces and distractions as they land a 5 hit combo totally by fluke.
In retrospect, I don’t think I ever truly appreciated Capcom’s work of genius at the time. It is only in recent years upon booting up a second hand PSone version that, after the disappointing mish-mash of SFA3 and the dull and forgettable characters of Street Fighter 3, I have come to appreciate that it was after all: the Fighters Destiny.
Ooh, Street Fighter III was a “disappointing mish-mash”! I didn’t really play it properly until it was released on the Xbox to be fair – but nevertheless, Street Fighter Alpha 2 still remains my favourite. And two mentions in two articles for those accursed casual gamers! I’m still hating on the button bashers to this day, have no fear – only this time I can beat them online with Dan in Street Fighter IV.
I’m not entirely sure why I wrote this, it was probably for one of DML’s bi-weekly Great Gamesradar Games Guru competitions. Still, I found it on my PC and it’s from that era, so here it is.
A Review of Versus Fighting Game Evolution ~ Something Different
Traditionally at home in the arcades, Beat ‘em Ups have always been a niche affair. From Yie Ar Kung-Fu, through the heady days of Street Fighter II: Black Belt Edition right up to Soul Calibur 3, finding a friend or relative to play against on one of these games who don’t rely on the button bashing technique is an altogether rare occurrence. Challenging someone in an arcade was an acceptable practise, but unless you enjoyed taking your life in your hands, it was best to wait your turn; some of the boys down the arcade looked very rough.
This increase in sheer console power has arguably resulted in more emotive, recognisable and expressive characters, as hand-drawn sprites were replaced with versatile 3 dimensional models; but has this detracted from the core mechanics of the fighting system? In most 3 dimensional one on one fighting videogames the two planes of movement from 2D fighters – moving forward/back and jumping – has simply been replaced with moving forward/back and circling around your opponent.
If you took a walk through the Versus Fighting Games time-honoured home nowadays, you’d be forgiven for thinking the genre had one foot in the grave, with a solitary Virtua Fighter 4 machine gathering dust in a darkened corner. But, like most things, the VFG has moved on and is enjoying a new lease of life over the internet. It has never been easier to find that special someone who appreciates the difference between Ken and Ryu and will not bash those attack buttons riotously, not to mention that you are in no actual physical danger.
I love the VFG.
For the first and second quarters of 2005, I quite possibly overstretched myself and made the charts too unwieldy to continue. As well as PS2, Gamecube, Gameboy Advance, PC and Xbox games, I also included several retro consoles such as the Sega Saturn and the Nintendo Entertainment System.
Here are the bloated results.
Continue reading Essential Charts Q1/Q2 2005
For the third and fourth quarters of 2004, the charts were expanded to contain the top 20 “Essential” games for each format. Listening to what the users of Gamesradar wanted, I also covered PC games and the top 10 online console games this time around. Here are the results.
Continue reading Essential Charts Q3/Q4 2004
Back in 2004/5, I ran this thing called The Essential Charts on Gamesradar. The jist is this: Everyone picks their five favourite games and can either rank them from 1 to 5 (the game placed first gets five points, the game placed second gets four points and so on), or just have 5 games in no particular order, each scoring 3 points. I would then compile the scores and we’d have the top 15 “Essential” games for that format.
Continue reading Essential Charts Q1/Q2 2004
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