Currently…

Playing:
Dungeon Defenders

Listening to:
Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds

Watching:
Smallville: Season 10

Reading:
Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

Reputation for Rep:
Gamerscore:

Hey look, a Paypal button.

Smudge was acting strangely

When we woke yesterday morning, we were greeted by a cat curled up at the bottom of the bed. Usually when one of us goes to step over Smudge, she bolts, but this time she didn’t. Jane got down and had a closer look, Smudge was clearly out of sorts. At first she was holding her leg funny, not wanting to put any weight on it, and as Jane went off to phone the vets, I noticed it looked like she had blood coming out of both her ears. At that point we thought it was either a stroke or she’d been hit by a car, she was just curled up, not wanting to move, staring blankly at us. We got her in a box and took her to the vets, where she acted like nothing at all had happened, making us look like mad people. She even hopped down from the examination table to the floor at one point, so much for us thinking her legs hurt! The vet decided that it looked most likely that she’d got in a fight with another cat – I do hope it came off worse than my girl! The blood coming out of her ears transpired to be cuts, and she’s got a little nick on one ear too. She looks tough rather than beautiful now. Ah, who am I kidding, she’s still beautiful.

She seems fine now. The vet gave her a shot of antibiotics to stop any infection, and a shot for the pain, she just seems to want to hide away and recover now. She’s already been back outside, briefly, and after a nice cuddle I have ascertained that she has no other scratches or wounds anywhere. I’m proud of her for defending the territory, but I’d rather one of the big boy cats do the defending next time!

Don't think about smoking

These past few weeks have been dominated by smoking. I’ve been thinking about smoking, thinking about not smoking, hating every time I light a cigarette up and being totally schizophrenic about it all. I want to be a non-smoker, or an ex-smoker, but at the same time I don’t feel I can face not being a smoker. I know Allen Carr’s method makes sense, I just can’t get it in my head that it makes sense, you know? I’m re-reading the books, and I’ll give it another crack, this time it’ll gel, for sure.

I got myself one of those mp4 players the other day (oh, the joy of having money to spend on things I want – bless you, Asda). I spent the tail end of last week copying about 30 CDs to the computer so I could listen to them on the move – it’s been a revelation so far. The walk home after work has become a joy rather than an easily refused alternative (as buses tend to turn up 5 minutes after I finish work, I’m usually tempted to stand and wait for them, but with music, the walk is more appealing), and because buying music off the internet is so easy and pretty much instantaneous, I’ve gone a bit mental with it (for example, fleshing out my Prodigy collection with singles that I never got around to buying, some lovely B-sides and crazy remixes that I never knew existed).

The Defiant Map Pack for Halo Reach came out, and it’s not quite as good as the Noble Map Pack. Highlands is pretty good. It’s a large, roughly symmetrical map designed for 16 players, but is more like Headlong than Coagulation because it features buildings around the edges of the arena rather than mountain ranges. Pretty good, if a little cluttered. Condemned is not as good. Not because it’s a smaller map, but because it feels easy to get lost in. I’m sure after a few more plays then I’ll get lost less often, but my initial reactions are that it is confusing. Unearthed, the new Firefight map, feels like a nod to Lost Platoon from Halo 3: ODST. A large, open map with lots of scope for vehicular combat, and a few buildings to fall back into if things go pear-shaped. I’ve still not played it in Matchmaking with other people, so can’t fully judge it, but so far it’s a worthy addition.

From the Forum: What is ration?

melatonin wrote:

Elite Four done again. So much easier the second time round. You know you’re good when your biggest problem is PP usage rather than actually managing to win. Cynthia done also. Bitch.

Guess there isn’t much else to do now really? I feel empty.

Lost and Found wrote:

Seventeen days. You had it for seventeen days and you just couldn’t ration it. For shame.

melatonin wrote:

The Blastoise is me, the keyboard is my new Pokémon video game.

Screenshot of the week: Actually a video

Video moved off the front page as it was causing issues.

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Attempt #3, Part 2

Failed again, this time at 44 hours. While it was better than my last two recent attempts, I do feel a bit silly that I gave in so easily. Boredom got to me. I know that the cigarette I just smoked hasn’t relieved my boredom in any way, but it has banished the thoughts of “I WANT A FUCKING CIGARETTE”. Although that’s not really the point, is it?

The principles behind Easyway are sound enough, I can see that, but I’m not supposed to crave cigarettes or even want anything to do with them when I’ve given up. I don’t get it. I can’t afford to go to a proper Easyway clinic – I’m not sure it’d even work, anyhow.

Attempt #3

…is still in progress.

I finished reading the book (The Only Way To Stop Smoking Permanently) last night, went through the Final Cigarette ritual, and am now an ex-smoker. I’m feeling confident it’ll last this time. My main enemy is boredom, as it can’t be the stress that made me smoke, my life is so incredibly un-stressful. The book did a good job of changing my perspective on the various aspects of smoking, and some narrow-minded people could probably do with reading it to be honest, explode their pre-conceptions about smoking. Seriously, I know the health risks better than anyone, all smokers do. There’s no need to continuously go on about how I’ll have a heart-attack, I fucking know, ok? The fear of giving up outweighs lung cancer or heart attacks in a smokers mind simply because the fear of giving up is right now, the fear of lung cancer is way off in the future, and even then it may not happen. A smoker will grasp any straw or twist any fact to just have one more cigarette. But there’s no such thing as one cigarette. Smoking one will trigger the need for the next one, then the whole chain will repeat. I’ve lived in this body that has had 17 years of smoking inflicted upon it, I know how it has affected me. I’m still fucking strong, and I can only get stronger now.

It was funny – there was this item on This Morning about smoking yesterday, where so called “experts” gave advice about “giving up” smoking. “Experts” who’ve never smoked in their lives and have no idea how smoking affects you psychologically. Also: “Giving up”. That implies some kind of genuine sacrifice must be made when you stop smoking, but in reality there really isn’t any kind of sacrifice made. As soon as it ended I went out and had a cigarette, knowing full well their advice was wrong. They also advised using nicotine substitutes – they just keep the little nicotine monster alive, which in turn keeps the massive psychological monster in your head alive. Kill them both by simply never smoking again. Simple.

I urge any smokers to read the Easyway book. Info here: http://www.allencarrseasyway.co.uk/